his(story)

i really tried not to write this blog but the more i've watched the news, the more i've been prodded to speak. the more i hear shit that's decorated to look like opinion, the more i feel the need to speak truth that's based on facts.

i'm a history buff...don't know where i got that from but i am who i am. the history channel is my favorite and long before you could watch history on tv, my parents made sure i got a chance to walk through it. i've been to monticello, gettysburg, little bighorn and the houston space center. one of my favorite vacation spots is the smithsonian (i've probably worn out more shoes on the mall than many people have bought in the mall). having said that, i have to set some shit wright.

yup...i'm defending rev. wright. never liked him much, never will...but he ain't as cracked up as most folk would have you believe...especially those who work for fox news. they actually likened him to "demagogues in history". on that note, let me preach.

"demagogues in history" (sean hannity) - as much as white folks are horrified by rev. wright's remarks, the fact is, they are just that...words. as much as those words can be divisive and no matter how the media would have the world believe that trinity is a hive of racists, there has never been a violent uprising against the US government fostered by black folks in this nation's history. in fact, black folk have never been involved in a targeted plot to threaten or harm any group of white folk with the idea of denying them of their civil rights. however, look up the history of the klu klux klan.

"the government created aids" - ok...he went way out there on that one...or did he? i googled the tusgegee experiment and was amazed to find out that, although the experiment started in the 1940's and penecillin was found to be a cure within a few years, not only were the subjects NOT treated, but the program wasn't ended until 1972...after the program was leaked to the public.

"the government sent drugs into the black community" - nah...couldn't be...but...does iran/contra ring a bell? does anyone else notice that the drug scourge of the late 80's seems to coincide with the drugs for guns program fostered by the cia?

"hillary aint never been called a nigga" - do i need to say anything to this?

"a country run by rich white men" - well...there have only been a handful of US presidents who were not "rich" when they took office. additionally, most of the congress has been white men, if not rich white men. when we add in the list of executives of the largest US corporations throughout history, i think the list might be slightly skewed towards the rich white man.

as much as people would love to equate rev. wright with the kkk, the fact is that nobody has ever walked out of trinity and dragged a white man from a pickup truck. no group of black men has ever hung a white man from a tree in front of his family. no group of black men has ever stopped a white man from voting. no group of black men has ever declared a white man less than human. 40 million acres can't undo that, a herd of mules cannot run over what has been the black experience in america.

so much self-riteousness, so little analysis...

all weekend i've alternately hidden from and soaked up as much of the news coverage regarding reverend wright and trinity as i could, all along figuring that i'd have ammunition for a great blog come monday morning. boy, i was so right, there was so much coverage, my mind is jumbled with so many ideas...only one thing to do: let my fingers do the talkning and edit, edit, edit. at this point, i'm turning off my mind-filter until my brain dump on this topic is complete. i'll rejoin you in 1,000 words or less...

if your chickens come home to roost, keep them away from foxes (and fox news)

don't get me wrong, i hate all the news networks equally, i just hate fox more equally than the rest. maybe it's their "wow" factor, because "wow" was what i kept hearing myself saying every minute or so i was tuned into the coverage on fox. from the cross-examination of sen. obama by major garrett to the near-continuous airing of rev. wright's remarks ("in case you missed it the last 20 times we've shown them this hour, here is what has everyone in america outraged"). at one point they had me so fired up i was ready to rouse the townspeople to go around the corner to castle trinity and kill the monster and dr. wrightenstien. the shocking thing was that mister conflagration himself, bill o'reilly, was actually the voice of reason...i'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop on that one. sean hannity was in rare form though, calling for obama to not only quit his presidential campaign but to resign from the senate. wow.


stupid is as stupid does

imagine me calling a harvard-educated senator and his team of political ringers stupid but...back last year, when obama started his campaign and asked rev. wright to "sit this one out" on the capitol steps in springfield, the thought, "say...you think we might wanna keep an eye on this old codger in case he gets extra crotchety? and while we're at it, maybe we might wanna see if there are any more codger-esque moments that we've missed?" growing up in chicago we usually test out of the 100-level politics courses, so i'm gonna give obama a pass since he didn't land here until the 80's, but david axlerod gets 1000 demerits and has to sit in the corner with a dunce cap on for the rest of his life if obama's campaign flames out because of this.


shut up already, damn (since you damnin folks)

you'd think that rev. wright would have gotten the message when he got benched for the opening tip of obama's campaign. he's obviously an intelligent man capable of making deductions (do i need to mention his talent for jumping to conclusions?), what da hell was he thinking? of course he can't take back the stuff he said back in '01 and '03, but if he's so concerned about changing the fact that america is run by rich white men, why didn't he just shut his ass up for a couple years so a poor mixed boy could become the speck in the grits? i don't know where i heard it but i live by the saying, "just because you can say something doesn't always mean you should." i think ima make that into a plaque and send it to rev. wright as a retirement gift.


condensation leads to corrosion, condescension leads to presumption

if one more white person talks as if they know what it's like to be black, because they have black friends or have been to black churches, i'm going to become a skinhead because i know what it's like to hate niggers. i love the fact that white folks think that successful black folk have no reason to be angry because they made it. no matter what they had to endure being the previously mentioned speck in the grits to get there, no matter how many times you heard, "i'm not talking about you, of course." or "you're so well spoken.", among other, not-so-niceties. no matter how many times you were told you couldn't, shouldn't or aught not because of any reason other than the fact that you're black (when you know that that is the reason). do white people have conversations amongst themselves about having to live in two separate worlds every day? about having to choose between the "new" life that we've earned and letting go of everything that drove us to become who we are? are white people considered sellouts because they become successful? if you're white and know someone who's black, ask them about these things...it's the closest you'll get to walking a block in our shoes. a mile is simply out of the question.


eat, drink and be merry...for tomorrow we might be on the bus back home...

the general consensus among the talking heads is that obama needs to "hit one out of the park" tomorrow to get his campaign back on track, but i think that's a bit of an understatement. he needs to load the bases and hit a grand-slam, all while having pitched a perfect game. the damage that this "crisis" was meant to create cannot be undone. the white voters who were on the fence about obama will, most likely, fall off into hillary's yard, giving her more ammunition come super-delegate time. if obama happens to escape this firestorm and make it to the general election, this phoenix of an issue will rise again. honestly, i don't know what he can stand to gain tomorrow. i doubt he can change the minds that have been influenced by rev. wright's sound bites, no matter how silver-tongued he is. those who were determined to see this story come to light aren't going to give up just because obama gives good microphone. but while i don't think he can gain much, the country just might gain a great deal if he opens a frank dialogue about prejudice in america. that's a big if, but it would be worth losing an election.

getting back on the wright foot

i haven't blogged in quite a while because i haven't had much to say, but the goings on of this year's presidential campaign has gotten many minds and more mouths working, so why not mine? i've been watching the coverage on cnn, msnbc and foxnews, as well as googling information about the various candidates and their accomplishments and backgrounds. growing up in chicago, where politics is a collision sport, i've seen firsthand the best and worst that can happen during the political process. us chicagoans still tell each other, jokingly, during election time, "vote early and often."

having said all that, this campaign has been a knock-down, drag-out street fight that i'm sure has old man daley and big bill thompson giving a standing ovation from the netherworld. the he said/she said, he did/she did and he didn't/she didn't reminds me more of 4 year-olds tattling on one another than ivy-league educated political debate, but such is politics in the era of blogs and surrogates.

speaking of surrogates, reverend jeremiah wright has jumped to the head of the "who can kill their own candidate" class with the resurgence of several of his seemingly anti-american and racially divisive diatribes. pundits everywhere are calling for rev. wright's head much the same way they did geraldine ferarro, so i give them points for being fair. but i find it interesting that nobody has asked the question, "how many black folk think like this?" white folks probably don't want to hear the answer.

before i go on, let me qualify myself a little bit; i'm an african-american man who was raised in a middle class home with both of his parents, who grew up in an "integrated" society. my schools were all integrated, my lutheran church is mostly white and i've spent years in the white male dominated "corporate america". while i have friends of all races and cultures, my ear is in tune with the voices of african-americans much the same way an irish or polish-american surely is: we understand our community in a way an "outsider" can't. not to say that any ethnic group is monolithic, there are rich and poor, educated and uneducated, and all other sorts of differences within any group that alternately cause disonance or harmony, but there are shared experiences that bind that group together.

with that in mind, no wonder rev. wright got cheers and a pat on the back while delivering his so-called "inflammatory" statements. while people throw around terms such as "the race card", and "disenfranchisement", i'm sure quite a few in that audience could give more instances of either or both than cnn could run 24/7 for the rest of the decade. and while many blacks don't agree with how he says it, rev. wright's words aren't far off from the thoughts of more african-americans that you think.

take the congregation of trinity, for example. one of the largest mega-churches in chicago, its membership includes many of the more affluent blacks in chicago, people who have obviously benefited from the american dream. but at what cost? i know several members of the congregation, any one of whom could tell stories of having been humiliated or degraded because of their race and/or gender. some stories are more unkind, even gruesome. those memories run deep and don't go away. not everyone stoically endures like jackie robinson or joe louis. many became angry and outraged, and developed a hatred of "white" society. but, unlike skinheads or the klan, they don't persecute, terrorize, or hunt white people. they go about their lives as any other law-abiding american citizen, but that hate still simmers.

then came the dvd and youtube and white folks are now starting to see into the minds of black folk, uncensored. did they think that louis farrakhan was the only one? if you beat a dog every time you feed it, that dog may never bite you, but it will never love you.

sure, it could be said that i'm making excuses for rev. wright because i happen to be in support of sen. obama. truth is, i don't really care for the man or his church. too many ministers get too full of themselves to remember what their true calling is, and i believe he is one. additionally, warts and all this is my country, which many of my family members have fought for, including my hero, my father, so damn anybody who would damn the united states. but that's not my point.

now that you have a little knowledge of what's on some black folks' minds, what should you do with it?

rules for '06

Alright, now that Christmas is out of the way and 2005 is officially on its way out, it’s time for me to set my ground rules for 2006.  Screw resolutions, they don’t get it done.  Plus, you should be trying to improve yourself every minute of every hour of every day of your life, not just once a year.  But I digress…let me begin with what it is I (and we) need to do more of:

• Be good to people for no good reason.  Screw waiting for the holidays to “get in the spirit”, do it every day, especially when you’re in a bad mood or when shit ain’t goin’ your way.  It ain’t about karma either, just be a better person.


• Listen.  Yeah, most people ain’t got shit important to say but the fact that they are expending their foul breath talking to you means that they think what they have to say needs to be heard.  Sometimes they’re right, so don’t miss some important information because you think you know it all.


• Shut the fuck up, especially when it comes to repeating what somebody else told you.  The easiest way to keep shit from getting started is not to start it yourself.  Also, you can’t listen if you’re running your mouth.


• Stop making excuses.  Take the word “because” out of your vocabulary; it’s getting between you and the things you want out of life.  Sure, bad things are going to happen to you and everybody else, deal with it and move on.  Make good things happen in spite of the bad.


• Learn how to like yourself.  Way too many people are afraid to be alone.  If you liked yourself it wouldn’t be such a big deal, then people would be drawn toward you, so you won’t be alone that often anyway.  Having a “special someone” ain’t so special if it’s creating more drama than harmony.

Now…here’s some stuff I need to see less of:

• Anything that has to do with anybody named Brittany, Jessica, Paris, Ashlee, Oprah, Phil or Bush.  Spend your money and shut the fuck up already.  I reserve the right to add to this list as I deem necessary.


• Cribs, rides and bling.  I’m too broke to afford it so don’t show it to me unless you want me to steal it.


• T.O. - prime example of how insecurity can lead to downfall.  If he was as confident as his mouth said, he wouldn’t have to tell anybody about it.


• This next bullet is a little long so go use the bathroom and grab a snack.  IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH.  I look at the where the world and this country are now versus when he arrived in office and I’m truly afraid at what the next generation is going to inherit.  Waging a war of aggression against a sovereign country, from a surplus of $122 billion to a deficit of $319 billion, abandonment of a city in need, and ignoring the rights of citizens afforded to them by the Constitution, all the while lining the pockets of his friends.  We can’t take three more years of this…I don’t care if you’re a republican, democrat or a grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, write your senator, representative, governor and anybody else you can think of and tell them to get his ass out.  They impeached Bill Clinton for lying about a blowjob, so we should be able to put his ass in jail for all the lies he’s told.


• Reality TV.  People mugging for a camera ain’t entertainment to me, plus the people who should be on TV aren’t.  I’m tired of rich folk and dumb-assed 20-somethings, show me some people struggling to make it.  Maybe I can learn something that will help me in my struggle.


• Long blogs.  This one is over.  Peace on earth, good will towards men.

pride goeth...

Where are we, and where are we going?  That’s the question I keep asking myself more and more these days, especially after reading the news.  Not that I’m so insightful as to be able to see into the future, but I get the feeling that our country and the world is on the precipice of change, and that the fall will not be an enjoyable one.

I find it humorously ironic that we are engaged in a purported war for freedom in another country while our chief executive usurps the fundamental rights of the citizens of his own country.  There are several historical parallels that can be drawn to show how this is not in and of itself something to be worried about.  Franklin D. Roosevelt imprisoned thousands of Japanese-Americans citizens in the name of national security, and he’s considered one of the great leaders to have ever lived.

Now, just as then, we are a nation that is in a struggle against fanatical enemies who seek to destroy our way of life and dominate the world…or are we?  Is the war in Iraq another instance of the United States coming to the aid of an ally, or is it the latest in a long line of American “intervention” in other countries’ affairs?

As I go over this situation in my mind I alternately try to justify and condemn the actions of the Bush administration, and cannot arrive at an absolute conclusion on either.  There is no question that Saddam Hussein is an evil man.  The question is whether or not our government had the right to wage war against Iraq and remove him from power.  That decision was the first in a series that has led us to where we are now, and was an unfortunate indicator as to how this administration wields its power.

Hours after the attacks of the morning of 9/11, the world knew who the perpetrators were, and where they made their stronghold.  When the United States invaded Afghanistan, there was not so much as a peep from any country regarding our justification or mission.  But when we proposed an invasion of Iraq, even the United States’ closest allies had to ask why.

The answer was based upon false information, and included an implied threat that we would invade with or without the support of the international community.  “Any nation that is not with us is against us.”

Fast-forward to the distribution of the contracts to rebuild Iraq.  The largest are awarded to Halliburton and it’s subsidiaries on a no-bid basis.

Hurricane Katrina destroys New Orleans and the relatively young Office of Homeland Security proves unequal to the task.  Again, many of the larger rebuilding contracts are awarded to Halliburton and subsidiaries on a no-bid basis.

The president orders hundreds of wiretaps of domestic communications of American citizens.

The common element in all of these events is the fact that the administration acted cavalierly, and responds to criticism harshly, in some cases accusing their critics as being un-American and, in the case of the wiretapping, damaging national security.

In the hours after the last presidential election I recall hearing the word “mandate” in Mr. Bush’s acceptance speech.  With the Republican Party in control of both houses of the Senate, I would bet that’s what it felt like from where he sat.  But the last time I checked, a mandate, if in fact that’s what his re-election was, was not accompanied by the keys to the kingdom.

Granted, there are people who have been in support of the president’s decisions, but every dictator in modern history had some sort of support, otherwise they never would have gotten into, or maintained power.  We also know that his term in office will expire in a few years so he cannot become a dictator in the true sense of the word.  Or can he?

The Patriot Act gave the president the ability to selectively suspend certain rights granted by the Constitution (although it has not yet been renewed).  We now know that the president acted illegally, and without remorse, by allowing citizens’ communications to be monitored.  He has also awarded billions of dollars in contracts to friends of his administration.  Add the fact that he is waging war against another sovereign country against the will of his own people and what do you call that?

So, here we sit, with several of our neighbors to the south actively campaigning against the United States.  North Korea has repeatedly and openly challenged us.  France and Germany are our allies in name only.  So where are we?  Where is this country going?

History tells us that the fall of an empire is immediately preceded by its arrogance exceeding its abilities.  Has our ability to educate and create and build been surpassed by our desire to control and command without regard?

The curse of the checkout lane

The curse of the checkout lane...
while most people try to live their life "right" because they want to go to heaven, and/or because that is how they were raised...me, I’ve realized that I have atonement to make in this life, but I’m not sure how to make things right. Perhaps you can help me after you've read my story...
My epiphany came today, while at the grocery store. As usual, I approached the checkout lanes with only a couple items in my carry basket. Only two lanes were open, and neither looked to be the quicker way out, so I opted for the express lane and resigned myself to spending the next several minutes in line. But just as I took my place in line, I saw one of the store employees approach the lady two places ahead of me in line and prompt her to move to the empty checkout lane next to where we were, as she was going to open up. Nice! I’m not usually that lucky at the grocery store...
My "luck" is a strange thing...perhaps I don't exercise it enough for it to it to work like it should, but when it does I can't complain. I haven't won the lotto (hell I never even get 1 number out of 6), but I always end up with rock-star parking (almost as valuable as a winning lotto ticket in Chicago), and I manage to break even when I go to Vegas, so I’m basically content...however...
As we moved to the empty checkout counter I started thinking what I’d do with these extra minutes that I had been unexpectedly granted. I’m used to going to the store and spending hours in line, no matter how few other shoppers are around or how few items I purchase. Impatient by nature, even a trip to Walgreens turns into my own personal hell. It’s to the point now where I discourage people from getting in line behind me, but people don't seem to believe me until they spend a few minutes gnashing their teeth with me.
Today proved to be no different. The cashier swiped her items and the conveyer moved forward, allowing me to put both my items behind the separator, which is when I saw it. At first, I didn't know what it was. A large coupon? It certainly wasn't money, because there wasn't a picture of an old white guy on it. I searched my memory and...A check? Along with that realization came memories of countless hours spent in lines behind that lady (it always seems like the same lady) with the fat checkbook and no pen...
Then it dawned on me...why my hell continued to revisit me on earth, most specifically, in the checkout lane. One day, a day I can't even remember, while waiting in one of the lines I’m so used to now, I asked for some help. Not from god (he's busy making tsunamis), or the devil (he's in a bunker under 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.), but from anyone or anything that was listening. "If I can get out of here in less than 10 minutes, I don't care how long I have to stay the next time!"
That day, expiditimus, the god of impatience, heard my plea and, thus, my curse was born.
so now, I stand next to atlas, Sisyphus and Heracles, burdened with never-ending tasks (yeah...Heracles was done after the 12th labor but have you ever tried to scrape Augean cow shit off your shoes? talk about the gift that keeps on giving...), and like them...I have no means of atonement...I’m doomed to spend eternity in line at grocery stores, banks, gas stations, convenience stores, Starbuck's, burger kings (I REFUSE to stand in line at McDonald’s) and anywhere else...traffic seems to find me now, even in the middle of the day and late at night when the streets should be empty...
What can I do to make things right???
Epilogue: in case you thought I made this shit up...
I started this blog a few days ago, but got busy with some other things and couldn't finish it right away. I saved it with the intention of finishing the story with that day's events and calling it quits, despite the disbelief that I knew would surface...
Well...today I went to the store, not thinking about my curse but trying to avoid the 1st/3rd/15th/weekend/end-of-month crowds...Tuesdays and Thursdays seem to work out in the grocery store. Same story...all is going well, then..."price check!" (Check is my least favorite word in the English language). I actually felt bad for the brotha in front of me who was trying to purchase the offending item...he apologized profusely until I told him, "if it wasn't a price check, it would have been a check...if it wasn't a check, the register would have exploded...it's not you, it's me." He seemed not to understand for a second, then sadness came over his face...he had seen my fate, and had found pity...

ladies, it happens to us too...

These days I’m more of a lounge guy.  Been there and done that with the whole club scene and now I’m all about low-maintenance fun.  I just want to sit around with cool people and enjoy a cocktail or two, listen to some music and/or watch a game.  

I have a couple places that I haunt on a regular basis, and the one I’ve been frequenting more often as of late is the one that’s about five minutes from my house.  It’s truly a lounge in every sense of the word, too.  They play blues and steppin’ music and the occasional dart game may break out from time to time.  It’s also in the hood, which makes the cast of characters you’d see on a Friday or Saturday night range from folk you’d see in a downtown office building to those whose faces you’d see on a post office wall.  Nothing out of the ordinary for lounge on the south side of Chicago.

This particular Saturday night I had just come out for a beer after running some errands and having shoveled snow, so I was a little tired.  Add to that the fact that my brother was in town and I really needed a drink.

As I said, it was Saturday night so the place was a little more crowded than usual, but there was an empty seat at the bar next to one of the regular guys I’ve known for years (we’ll call him Melvin), so I parked there and waited for the bartender.  I have shoulder-length locks so I’m used to the feeling of them being tugged slightly while I’m out at a bar.  When it happened this time, I turned to see the culprit, a forty-something woman who’s glassy-eyed grin registered approximately seven sheets to the wind.  “I juthhhht loooove yo’ hurrrr”, she said and managed not to spray me in the process.  Drunk folk can be amazingly polite sometimes.

I thanked her and listened to her mumble something about her own hair while I ordered and received my beer.  Having spent a good portion of my adult life in bars, I’ve mastered the “nod & smile” maneuver that’s necessary when accosted by incoherent but profound drunks, and while “listening” to her I went through several of my favorite variations including the “yup, that’s right” and the “no kidding”, and my personal favorite the “ain’t that the truth”.

Although slightly annoyed at not being able to enjoy my beer, I was doing ok, and the jukebox was jammin’, which was loud enough so that I didn’t have to hear what she was trying to tell me.  Little things do mean a lot.  It was then that the friendly jukebox turned on me: “her song” came on.

Winter in Chicago can be beautiful, with our downtown trees and buildings draped in lights and our neighborhoods decorated in holiday colors.  A light dusting of snow to cover the top of the grass just adds the perfect finishing touch.  That day I spent a good hour shoveling four inches of that damned finishing touch and my back was accusing the light dusting of being a blizzard in disguise.  Even if she wasn’t drunk, the chances of her getting me to dance were, at best, remote.

After the first few times I said no to her, it became clear to me that my car was turning into a pumpkin and that the best thing to do was to leave, so I started plotting my escape.
God has already forgiven me for what I did to Melvin, but I doubt he ever will.  As I mentioned earlier, I’m an expert barfly, so executing the “take one for the team” was easy.  It was actually beautiful.

When “her song” #5 came on, I announced loudly to her that Melvin was going to dance with her while I went to the bathroom.  He never knew what hit him.  I would have gotten away with it completely if someone hadn’t bought me a drink (Functioning Alcoholic Rule #1: Always accept a free drink), so I was sitting there when they got back from dancing.

I’m not a punk.  I don’t go looking for fights but I won’t back down from one either.  The broken beer bottle Melvin was threatening me with didn’t even faze me.  But then “her song” #6 came on and I turned 100% bitch.

At least women never go out without a pack of girlfriends who would cut a man for even staring too hard at one of them, all I had was Melvin and he wanted to do me bodily harm.  Now she was asking me to buy her a drink since I wouldn’t dance with her.  When did drunks learn the art of negotiation?

Meanwhile, things were far worse than I suspected.  I’m used to people staring at me in bars; the long hair and goofy looks make me somewhat of a walking sideshow.  Usually when a guy is staring at me it’s because he’s had too much to drink and is trying to remember the reggae artist I remind him of.  Bob Marley probably turns over in his grave every time the phrase “dude, you look just like Bob Marley!” is uttered.  But the guy staring at me this time was sober, and he looked like something was bothering him. I sized him up at around 6’4”, 250.  I’m 5’9”, 180.  That’s when I heard Melvin giggling.  “You know that’s her man over there, right?”

So ladies, the next time you think that it’s bad being accosted by that guy who bought you a drink and wants to talk your ear off, remember that it could be worse.  By the way, thanks for all the get well cards and flowers (you know who you are).  I’ll be out of traction in a few weeks and the doctors say I’ll be able to dance again once I re-learn how to walk.  And look at the bright side; at least I don’t have to shovel snow for a while.