rules for '06

Alright, now that Christmas is out of the way and 2005 is officially on its way out, it’s time for me to set my ground rules for 2006.  Screw resolutions, they don’t get it done.  Plus, you should be trying to improve yourself every minute of every hour of every day of your life, not just once a year.  But I digress…let me begin with what it is I (and we) need to do more of:

• Be good to people for no good reason.  Screw waiting for the holidays to “get in the spirit”, do it every day, especially when you’re in a bad mood or when shit ain’t goin’ your way.  It ain’t about karma either, just be a better person.


• Listen.  Yeah, most people ain’t got shit important to say but the fact that they are expending their foul breath talking to you means that they think what they have to say needs to be heard.  Sometimes they’re right, so don’t miss some important information because you think you know it all.


• Shut the fuck up, especially when it comes to repeating what somebody else told you.  The easiest way to keep shit from getting started is not to start it yourself.  Also, you can’t listen if you’re running your mouth.


• Stop making excuses.  Take the word “because” out of your vocabulary; it’s getting between you and the things you want out of life.  Sure, bad things are going to happen to you and everybody else, deal with it and move on.  Make good things happen in spite of the bad.


• Learn how to like yourself.  Way too many people are afraid to be alone.  If you liked yourself it wouldn’t be such a big deal, then people would be drawn toward you, so you won’t be alone that often anyway.  Having a “special someone” ain’t so special if it’s creating more drama than harmony.

Now…here’s some stuff I need to see less of:

• Anything that has to do with anybody named Brittany, Jessica, Paris, Ashlee, Oprah, Phil or Bush.  Spend your money and shut the fuck up already.  I reserve the right to add to this list as I deem necessary.


• Cribs, rides and bling.  I’m too broke to afford it so don’t show it to me unless you want me to steal it.


• T.O. - prime example of how insecurity can lead to downfall.  If he was as confident as his mouth said, he wouldn’t have to tell anybody about it.


• This next bullet is a little long so go use the bathroom and grab a snack.  IMPEACH GEORGE BUSH.  I look at the where the world and this country are now versus when he arrived in office and I’m truly afraid at what the next generation is going to inherit.  Waging a war of aggression against a sovereign country, from a surplus of $122 billion to a deficit of $319 billion, abandonment of a city in need, and ignoring the rights of citizens afforded to them by the Constitution, all the while lining the pockets of his friends.  We can’t take three more years of this…I don’t care if you’re a republican, democrat or a grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, write your senator, representative, governor and anybody else you can think of and tell them to get his ass out.  They impeached Bill Clinton for lying about a blowjob, so we should be able to put his ass in jail for all the lies he’s told.


• Reality TV.  People mugging for a camera ain’t entertainment to me, plus the people who should be on TV aren’t.  I’m tired of rich folk and dumb-assed 20-somethings, show me some people struggling to make it.  Maybe I can learn something that will help me in my struggle.


• Long blogs.  This one is over.  Peace on earth, good will towards men.

pride goeth...

Where are we, and where are we going?  That’s the question I keep asking myself more and more these days, especially after reading the news.  Not that I’m so insightful as to be able to see into the future, but I get the feeling that our country and the world is on the precipice of change, and that the fall will not be an enjoyable one.

I find it humorously ironic that we are engaged in a purported war for freedom in another country while our chief executive usurps the fundamental rights of the citizens of his own country.  There are several historical parallels that can be drawn to show how this is not in and of itself something to be worried about.  Franklin D. Roosevelt imprisoned thousands of Japanese-Americans citizens in the name of national security, and he’s considered one of the great leaders to have ever lived.

Now, just as then, we are a nation that is in a struggle against fanatical enemies who seek to destroy our way of life and dominate the world…or are we?  Is the war in Iraq another instance of the United States coming to the aid of an ally, or is it the latest in a long line of American “intervention” in other countries’ affairs?

As I go over this situation in my mind I alternately try to justify and condemn the actions of the Bush administration, and cannot arrive at an absolute conclusion on either.  There is no question that Saddam Hussein is an evil man.  The question is whether or not our government had the right to wage war against Iraq and remove him from power.  That decision was the first in a series that has led us to where we are now, and was an unfortunate indicator as to how this administration wields its power.

Hours after the attacks of the morning of 9/11, the world knew who the perpetrators were, and where they made their stronghold.  When the United States invaded Afghanistan, there was not so much as a peep from any country regarding our justification or mission.  But when we proposed an invasion of Iraq, even the United States’ closest allies had to ask why.

The answer was based upon false information, and included an implied threat that we would invade with or without the support of the international community.  “Any nation that is not with us is against us.”

Fast-forward to the distribution of the contracts to rebuild Iraq.  The largest are awarded to Halliburton and it’s subsidiaries on a no-bid basis.

Hurricane Katrina destroys New Orleans and the relatively young Office of Homeland Security proves unequal to the task.  Again, many of the larger rebuilding contracts are awarded to Halliburton and subsidiaries on a no-bid basis.

The president orders hundreds of wiretaps of domestic communications of American citizens.

The common element in all of these events is the fact that the administration acted cavalierly, and responds to criticism harshly, in some cases accusing their critics as being un-American and, in the case of the wiretapping, damaging national security.

In the hours after the last presidential election I recall hearing the word “mandate” in Mr. Bush’s acceptance speech.  With the Republican Party in control of both houses of the Senate, I would bet that’s what it felt like from where he sat.  But the last time I checked, a mandate, if in fact that’s what his re-election was, was not accompanied by the keys to the kingdom.

Granted, there are people who have been in support of the president’s decisions, but every dictator in modern history had some sort of support, otherwise they never would have gotten into, or maintained power.  We also know that his term in office will expire in a few years so he cannot become a dictator in the true sense of the word.  Or can he?

The Patriot Act gave the president the ability to selectively suspend certain rights granted by the Constitution (although it has not yet been renewed).  We now know that the president acted illegally, and without remorse, by allowing citizens’ communications to be monitored.  He has also awarded billions of dollars in contracts to friends of his administration.  Add the fact that he is waging war against another sovereign country against the will of his own people and what do you call that?

So, here we sit, with several of our neighbors to the south actively campaigning against the United States.  North Korea has repeatedly and openly challenged us.  France and Germany are our allies in name only.  So where are we?  Where is this country going?

History tells us that the fall of an empire is immediately preceded by its arrogance exceeding its abilities.  Has our ability to educate and create and build been surpassed by our desire to control and command without regard?

The curse of the checkout lane

The curse of the checkout lane...
while most people try to live their life "right" because they want to go to heaven, and/or because that is how they were raised...me, I’ve realized that I have atonement to make in this life, but I’m not sure how to make things right. Perhaps you can help me after you've read my story...
My epiphany came today, while at the grocery store. As usual, I approached the checkout lanes with only a couple items in my carry basket. Only two lanes were open, and neither looked to be the quicker way out, so I opted for the express lane and resigned myself to spending the next several minutes in line. But just as I took my place in line, I saw one of the store employees approach the lady two places ahead of me in line and prompt her to move to the empty checkout lane next to where we were, as she was going to open up. Nice! I’m not usually that lucky at the grocery store...
My "luck" is a strange thing...perhaps I don't exercise it enough for it to it to work like it should, but when it does I can't complain. I haven't won the lotto (hell I never even get 1 number out of 6), but I always end up with rock-star parking (almost as valuable as a winning lotto ticket in Chicago), and I manage to break even when I go to Vegas, so I’m basically content...however...
As we moved to the empty checkout counter I started thinking what I’d do with these extra minutes that I had been unexpectedly granted. I’m used to going to the store and spending hours in line, no matter how few other shoppers are around or how few items I purchase. Impatient by nature, even a trip to Walgreens turns into my own personal hell. It’s to the point now where I discourage people from getting in line behind me, but people don't seem to believe me until they spend a few minutes gnashing their teeth with me.
Today proved to be no different. The cashier swiped her items and the conveyer moved forward, allowing me to put both my items behind the separator, which is when I saw it. At first, I didn't know what it was. A large coupon? It certainly wasn't money, because there wasn't a picture of an old white guy on it. I searched my memory and...A check? Along with that realization came memories of countless hours spent in lines behind that lady (it always seems like the same lady) with the fat checkbook and no pen...
Then it dawned on me...why my hell continued to revisit me on earth, most specifically, in the checkout lane. One day, a day I can't even remember, while waiting in one of the lines I’m so used to now, I asked for some help. Not from god (he's busy making tsunamis), or the devil (he's in a bunker under 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.), but from anyone or anything that was listening. "If I can get out of here in less than 10 minutes, I don't care how long I have to stay the next time!"
That day, expiditimus, the god of impatience, heard my plea and, thus, my curse was born.
so now, I stand next to atlas, Sisyphus and Heracles, burdened with never-ending tasks (yeah...Heracles was done after the 12th labor but have you ever tried to scrape Augean cow shit off your shoes? talk about the gift that keeps on giving...), and like them...I have no means of atonement...I’m doomed to spend eternity in line at grocery stores, banks, gas stations, convenience stores, Starbuck's, burger kings (I REFUSE to stand in line at McDonald’s) and anywhere else...traffic seems to find me now, even in the middle of the day and late at night when the streets should be empty...
What can I do to make things right???
Epilogue: in case you thought I made this shit up...
I started this blog a few days ago, but got busy with some other things and couldn't finish it right away. I saved it with the intention of finishing the story with that day's events and calling it quits, despite the disbelief that I knew would surface...
Well...today I went to the store, not thinking about my curse but trying to avoid the 1st/3rd/15th/weekend/end-of-month crowds...Tuesdays and Thursdays seem to work out in the grocery store. Same story...all is going well, then..."price check!" (Check is my least favorite word in the English language). I actually felt bad for the brotha in front of me who was trying to purchase the offending item...he apologized profusely until I told him, "if it wasn't a price check, it would have been a check...if it wasn't a check, the register would have exploded...it's not you, it's me." He seemed not to understand for a second, then sadness came over his face...he had seen my fate, and had found pity...

ladies, it happens to us too...

These days I’m more of a lounge guy.  Been there and done that with the whole club scene and now I’m all about low-maintenance fun.  I just want to sit around with cool people and enjoy a cocktail or two, listen to some music and/or watch a game.  

I have a couple places that I haunt on a regular basis, and the one I’ve been frequenting more often as of late is the one that’s about five minutes from my house.  It’s truly a lounge in every sense of the word, too.  They play blues and steppin’ music and the occasional dart game may break out from time to time.  It’s also in the hood, which makes the cast of characters you’d see on a Friday or Saturday night range from folk you’d see in a downtown office building to those whose faces you’d see on a post office wall.  Nothing out of the ordinary for lounge on the south side of Chicago.

This particular Saturday night I had just come out for a beer after running some errands and having shoveled snow, so I was a little tired.  Add to that the fact that my brother was in town and I really needed a drink.

As I said, it was Saturday night so the place was a little more crowded than usual, but there was an empty seat at the bar next to one of the regular guys I’ve known for years (we’ll call him Melvin), so I parked there and waited for the bartender.  I have shoulder-length locks so I’m used to the feeling of them being tugged slightly while I’m out at a bar.  When it happened this time, I turned to see the culprit, a forty-something woman who’s glassy-eyed grin registered approximately seven sheets to the wind.  “I juthhhht loooove yo’ hurrrr”, she said and managed not to spray me in the process.  Drunk folk can be amazingly polite sometimes.

I thanked her and listened to her mumble something about her own hair while I ordered and received my beer.  Having spent a good portion of my adult life in bars, I’ve mastered the “nod & smile” maneuver that’s necessary when accosted by incoherent but profound drunks, and while “listening” to her I went through several of my favorite variations including the “yup, that’s right” and the “no kidding”, and my personal favorite the “ain’t that the truth”.

Although slightly annoyed at not being able to enjoy my beer, I was doing ok, and the jukebox was jammin’, which was loud enough so that I didn’t have to hear what she was trying to tell me.  Little things do mean a lot.  It was then that the friendly jukebox turned on me: “her song” came on.

Winter in Chicago can be beautiful, with our downtown trees and buildings draped in lights and our neighborhoods decorated in holiday colors.  A light dusting of snow to cover the top of the grass just adds the perfect finishing touch.  That day I spent a good hour shoveling four inches of that damned finishing touch and my back was accusing the light dusting of being a blizzard in disguise.  Even if she wasn’t drunk, the chances of her getting me to dance were, at best, remote.

After the first few times I said no to her, it became clear to me that my car was turning into a pumpkin and that the best thing to do was to leave, so I started plotting my escape.
God has already forgiven me for what I did to Melvin, but I doubt he ever will.  As I mentioned earlier, I’m an expert barfly, so executing the “take one for the team” was easy.  It was actually beautiful.

When “her song” #5 came on, I announced loudly to her that Melvin was going to dance with her while I went to the bathroom.  He never knew what hit him.  I would have gotten away with it completely if someone hadn’t bought me a drink (Functioning Alcoholic Rule #1: Always accept a free drink), so I was sitting there when they got back from dancing.

I’m not a punk.  I don’t go looking for fights but I won’t back down from one either.  The broken beer bottle Melvin was threatening me with didn’t even faze me.  But then “her song” #6 came on and I turned 100% bitch.

At least women never go out without a pack of girlfriends who would cut a man for even staring too hard at one of them, all I had was Melvin and he wanted to do me bodily harm.  Now she was asking me to buy her a drink since I wouldn’t dance with her.  When did drunks learn the art of negotiation?

Meanwhile, things were far worse than I suspected.  I’m used to people staring at me in bars; the long hair and goofy looks make me somewhat of a walking sideshow.  Usually when a guy is staring at me it’s because he’s had too much to drink and is trying to remember the reggae artist I remind him of.  Bob Marley probably turns over in his grave every time the phrase “dude, you look just like Bob Marley!” is uttered.  But the guy staring at me this time was sober, and he looked like something was bothering him. I sized him up at around 6’4”, 250.  I’m 5’9”, 180.  That’s when I heard Melvin giggling.  “You know that’s her man over there, right?”

So ladies, the next time you think that it’s bad being accosted by that guy who bought you a drink and wants to talk your ear off, remember that it could be worse.  By the way, thanks for all the get well cards and flowers (you know who you are).  I’ll be out of traction in a few weeks and the doctors say I’ll be able to dance again once I re-learn how to walk.  And look at the bright side; at least I don’t have to shovel snow for a while.

my two cents on tookie

I’ve started and deleted posts on this subject several times.  People who know me would tell you that I don’t talk when I don’t have anything to say, and this was one of those cases.  By the same token, indecision is not something I’m known for, but this circumstance has had me vacillating between my own differing points of view.

On one hand, I don’t believe in capital punishment, especially with African-American males being the primary target of the United States’ judicial system, but also because of the intentional and unintentional “mistakes” made by that same system that have landed innocent men and women on death row.

There is also the question of the inherent morality of the death penalty, whether or not God (whichever one you worship) has given man the right to take life as punishment for a crime.  This argument is so difficult to make, either for or against, because life is so precious (or at least should be).  Are we even allowed to kill in self-defense, and if so, what does that mean?  Is war against another country justified when viewed in that light?  

All these questions spinning in my mind, and the answers stayed just beyond my grasp.  Finally, today when the ruling from governor Schwarzenegger was announced, I had a moment of clarity, and the answer was amazingly simple.

Mr. Williams maintains his innocence in the murders for which he has been convicted.  Given the socio-political climate at the time of his arrest and trial, he very well may be telling the truth.  He also admits to being one of the founders of one of the largest criminal organizations in the history of the United States.  While most people would compare the activities of the crips to that of the mafia-style organizations that were once-prevalent in New York and Chicago, the impact on the African-American community is actually closer to the genocide seen in Africa and Eastern Europe, and Mr. Williams is akin to having been a warlord.  The most common victim of this pandemic of crime and violence has been the African-American male, who is more likely to die or become incarcerated by the age of 30 than graduate from college.  Even those who have managed to escape this near-death sentence have been terribly traumatized by having grown up watching loved ones die or become enslaved by drugs and/or crime.  Entire generations of families have been decimated by Mr. Williams’ creation.

Granted, Mr. Williams has sought redemption by writing and speaking out against the dangers of gangs.  Many people who speak out in his defense say that his death would send the wrong message to those he’s trying to steer away from life in the streets – that there is no such thing as redemption if you’re living the life of a gang member.  The arguments are persuasive; the list of people who expound them is impressive.

But there is another question I don’t have the answer to – the question that the celebrities and politicians on both sides should be answering instead of “should Tookie die?”:  what would happen to all the children who are still at risk from the monster that Mr. Williams helped to create if the same energy being spent on saving his life was directed at saving theirs?  In the time governor Schwarzenegger spent considering Mr. Williams’ case, could he have contemplated helping the families of victims of gang violence?  While the head of the NAACP was giving a statement on Mr. Williams’ case, could he have been making a statement on how the NAACP had developed a plan to help cure drug addiction in Compton?

All this effort expended for one man.  When we refuse to lift a finger for those he has placed in harm’s way.

All in all, I don’t wish death on Mr. Williams.  In fact, I hope that somehow he is spared.  But if he is not I won’t cry at his passing; I’ll cry because it seems that, in the end, his life was more important than the lives of those who will have to struggle against his legacy.

my doctor phil imitation...

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who wasn’t happy with the way things were going in his life.  He changed the subject before I got the chance to tell him something that I had learned that had helped me.  I’m hoping he’ll read this and learn what I did.

One Christmas season several years ago, I was broke as a joke.  I had gotten laid off from a job that I hated but paid the bills, and nobody was getting gifts that year.  I remember being depressed and upset and having all sorts of feelings, but more than anything, I remember being sick and tired.

Talk about an overused phrase, “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired!”  The fact is, most people really aren’t sick or tired of what’s going wrong with their lives, because if they were, they’d do something about it.  But the most that people usually do about a bad situation is telling anyone who will listen.

That day, I didn’t have anyone to talk to but myself, and I didn’t feel much like listening to what I had to say, especially since what I had to say to myself was pretty harsh: I was a college dropout living in his parents’ basement, who hadn’t worked hard at or followed through with anything in my life up to that point – I was broke because of me.  I had allowed other people and/or fate to control my life, and until that day, I hadn’t really cared where I ended up or had simply resigned myself to whatever situation I found myself in.

The refrigerator in the house I grew up in was probably like any other refrigerator you’d find in a house with kids.  No matter what it contained on the inside, the outside was covered with papers held up by magnets.  In my house, the little blue glass magnet contained a prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

As a child, I never really gave it much thought or even paid much attention to it but in hindsight, that little blue glass magnet stuck to more than the refrigerator door.

In Hollywood, epiphany comes along with a choir and a beam of light, but in Chicago, and on my budget, it came silently in the dark in the form of that prayer.

Of course there are things in life that you don’t have any control over, shit happens and u just have to deal with it.  On the other hand, there are things that you can control and you have to handle your business.  But before anything, you have to understand which things are which.  Sounds simple, but when you think about all the people who claim to be “sick and tired of being sick and tired”, it might as well be quantum physics.  

I was really sick and tired that day, and instead of just promising to myself that I’d never find myself in this position again, I did some things.  Some of the things worked and some didn’t, but eventually I found a job that became a successful career for me.  I can’t take credit for creating all the opportunities that came my way; I had lots of help from family, friends and strangers along the way.  What I do take credit for is getting off my ass and making something happen in my life instead of waiting for something to happen to me.

What I want my friend to learn is that he has to do something, anything, to change his situation for the better.  It doesn’t have to be monumental or profound, it doesn’t even have to work; it just needs to be a step in the direction he wants his life to go.  Then, and here comes the hard part, he has to keep doing things until he’s where he wants to be, then do more things to keep his life where he wants it to be.  Along the way he’ll make mistakes and suffer setbacks, but hopefully he also will learn things (persistence, for one) and grow and help other people.

After all that, no matter what, I believe his life will be better.  I sincerely hope I’m right.

p.s. a few hours after I posted this blog, the following quote of the day showed up on my Google homepage (I guess it’s not a doctor Phil imitation after all):

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.”  - George Bernard Shaw

change of venue...

*tap tap* is this thing on?

i'm relatively new to the blogging phenomenon, and have been blogging on yahoo 360 for the last several weeks. some folk seem to think what i've had to say so far has been entertaining, so i've decided to peddle my wares here and see what happens.
i hope you enjoy...